Panache

You are reading this because you already observe people-pleasing behavior in yourself. And by this time, you may or may not have lived through the consequences of it. Barely realizing how it affects you on a personal level.

People-pleasing breaks your self-esteem and your personality. You become lost and can’t understand what to do with yourself. But people pleasing at work is different. It’s about the opportunities that you lose. Perhaps, never reaching the success that you deserve.

Below is the list to practice some things that will gradually help you break this cycle.

Also read: 10 subtle signs you are being a people-pleaser at work.

Create and practice strict boundaries.

When we enter a new job, we want to oblige, expand, and learn as much as possible. However, that phase gets extended and we can’t stop letting people walk all over us. The social lines are so thin and you won’t even realize how people cross them in a fraction of a second.

One of the best ways to practice strict boundaries is to be assertive and say no every once in a while. I understand that saying a strict no can be attached to so many other feelings and I will discuss them further in this list.

However, you need to understand that practicing healthy boundaries could be the first step in garnering more respect from your peers. It is also about understanding and respecting your efforts and showing how efficient you are in managing your responsibilities and delegating them.

Also read: 10 instant signs you do not have healthy boundaries.

Also read: 10 effective ways to maintain healthy boundaries.

Identify the toxic pattern.

Often in a workplace environment, we spread ourselves too thin, hoping that one day authorities or management will understand how much work and effort we are putting into our job. However, that is far from the reality.

The result of such competence is you get too stuck in your position and chances of promotion get negligible. However certain toxic patterns are too exclusive to the workplace that you are working at. It is up to you to understand those patterns and not fall for them.

Prioritize your role at work.

Before you do someone else’s job for them, you need to prioritize your work. Every time, you enter a workplace you need to have set goals for that. They could be increasing your skillset, getting good experience, or working on challenging projects.

Don’t lose sight of your goals and start working on the things that are assigned to you but are not your responsibility. It happens at day-to-day tasks as well. So, if you are asked to do something, check if it aligns with your job description or your goals at this place.

Prioritizing your goals at the workplace requires a long-term perspective. It would not only motivate you towards better productivity but it would also make your work more fulfilling.  

Set clear expectations.

“I thought you would be available for that.”, “I was hoping you would join.” These are the statements that are often used in the corporate environment to make sure that a certain request becomes an obligation for you. Soon, you realize that you don’t have a choice. As you were never asked.

In these situations, you need to stand up for yourself. No matter how much it is debated a healthy work-life balance can save you from burnout.

To make sure that you avoid these situations, you need to set clear expectations at work. These expectations need to be set at both the managerial level and with your peers.

Consider setting the right expectations at both the work and personal level. You will not be ready to take on tasks below your skillset, but only to upgrade them. You will not be available after a certain hour but only for emergencies.

Also read: Effective listening can change your life. Here’s how to practice it in your daily life.

Be confident and practice assertiveness.

The corporate world or any workplace is a harsh and highly competitive environment. It is also not considered a place for people with low self-esteem or confidence. It does not mean that this world does not contain such people.

Once your image becomes that you are gullible and people can easily walk over you, it not only becomes difficult but sometimes impossible to survive. Hence, it is essential to practice confidence and assertiveness in the cut-throat environment.

Assertiveness is often mistaken as dominant. But if you want to stop pleasing people, you need to understand that saying No with assertiveness and being confident in explaining the cause of your action will garner more respect than being considered dormant behavior.

An example of being assertive in communication goes as follows. Instead of saying “whatever you want”, you need to implicate “it’s my way of the highway.”

Also read: 10 ways to improve your confidence.

Win over the fear.

People-pleasing comes from the fear of rejection, fear of conflict, or a deep-rooted feeling that was planted in you when you were a kid. You may or may not know why you are so inclined towards pleasing.

But, once you realize the negative effects this habit brings and what it does in your life, after compounding through many years. You will want to give up on this fear as soon as possible.

We often conform ourselves by thinking too little of ourselves and our abilities. You may think that if you are not a certain way or practice people-pleasing at work, they will probably fire you or not favor you in certain ways.

However, most of the time, you will be restricting yourself from real opportunities by staying stuck in one place. This will give you enough courage and energy to speak for yourself.

Know your role and your rights.

It is important to know your rights at the workplace. Most of the time, the people who are exploiting us do not have much authority or power in their hands. They simply induce a fear that they have much power and thus can flip your career, or your life there.

Hence, you also need to know your rights and what path you can take given a certain situation. Being aware of your rights will not only make you more confident but will also make sure that you are not exploited for your rights in any way possible.

Consider that every workplace is a system and you are part of the same system. Hierarchies may differ but every employee no matter the level has certain rights that they can practice and call whenever necessary.

Don’t be a yes person.

A common trait among people-pleasers is that they are “yes people”. As soon they are asked to do something, they immediately say yes no matter if it is their responsibility or not. Slowly, they start bending their backs for others and never get any appreciation or recognition.

It does not mean that they do not regret saying yes in the first place. But they do it out of the habit. If you are one of those people, you must be aware of this bad habit.

Remind yourself to stop and take a step back, the next time, someone asks you to do something or needs any agreement. Observe the subtle body language cues, facial expressions, and nods through which they manipulate and get a yes from you.

You can always back your perspective with a valid reason but pause before you say yes to something or someone. If it comes in the category of pleasing someone, then you need to stop right there.

Also read: Are you a Yes person? Learn 5 ways to say “No”.

Stop Seeking Validation.

Seeking outside validation is one of the many reasons people practice pleasing others all the time.

Dr. Tasha Seiter, an online therapist, and counselor writes, “People-Pleasing can become compulsive if you are socially rewarded for it. We’re given labels like “selfless”, or “giving”. But if those labels come at the cost of never truly advocating for our beliefs, they become confining.

She adds, “An important step in moving past people-pleasing is to let go of your dependence on the approval and praise you receive. Consider how else you can contribute to others and be appreciated, other than by betraying yourself.”

Be kind to yourself.

If you are a people-pleaser, you need to remember that saying “no” is not an attack, it is a form of self-care. It is about prioritizing yourself and understanding what you need before anyone else’s needs.

Understanding people-pleasing patterns and breaking out of them can be a challenging task. It requires patience, a lot of work on yourself, and creating an identity that solidly defines not to be taken advantage of.

But once you develop the quality of self-preservation, self-reliance, and knowing your value, it will be easier to break the wheel. And establish yourself in a different light.

It will open new doors for you and help you achieve your career goals.

Also read: 7 types of rests that leads to complete wellness.

Conclusion

A trait about people-pleasing is you won’t even realize it before you do it. You realize after you have done it. You tell yourself that you won’t do it next time but then it happens once again. Soon, it defines your personality and you can’t comprehend how people treat you in a certain way that they do.

But you need to observe these patterns and understand that it is your responsibility to change that image. Even though you helped in the making of it knowingly, or unknowingly.

Also read: 10 strong signs you are a people pleaser in the relationship.

Also read: How to stop being a people-pleaser in a relationship?