Panache

The author of “Why has nobody told me this before? Dr. Julie Smith explains that if you are like water, your emotions are like ink. You can feel them, but you can’t let them affect you. You cannot let them be in charge of you.

Therefore, you need to learn how to control them and, to a certain extent, become stronger than them.

Below is a comprehensive list of things you can do to tame your emotions and be your boss.

Also read: 10 ways to fulfill your emotional needs.

Acknowledge your emotions.

The first step to becoming stronger than your emotions is to acknowledge their presence. They are there. And they are a part of your existence. No matter how uncomfortable or bad they are, they are still a part of you.

You can look over them and try to numb them with work or distractions, but someday, they will overwhelm you with their presence. Then, it would be hard for you to stand them.

You need to observe them and feel them without any judgment towards yourself or them. You need to understand that you are a human, a creature with complex emotions. Sometimes, you can comprehend them, other times, you can’t do it. But please do not neglect their presence.

Pause before reacting.  

One of the steps in acknowledging your emotions is not letting them control you. You can do that by not re-acting but pausing before acting on any overwhelming feeling that you come across.

You can follow simple methods like Would it matter in a couple of minutes, a few hours, a few days, or a few years? Would you regret acting on it later? Is it worth your energy at the moment? Would it be the logical step to take?

Thinking in this manner would not only save your energy from getting wasted, but it will also give you a sense of control over your emotions and your life.

So, the next time someone or something tries to aggravate you, you should take a step back for a while and take a deep breath.

Break the chain of thoughts.

One of the basic attributes of negative emotions is once they start, they try to take you down the rabbit hole. Your mind would give you the worst scenario possible. And if you could not stop your thoughts, you would soon be caught in a negative cycle. Thus, becoming more and more pessimistic.

In his book, “Don’t Believe Everything You Think,” writer Joseph Nguyen firmly emphasizes that most people live in their minds rather than reality. They tend to believe everything that their brains can think of.

Sometimes, your brain can be prone to negative thinking. It could be because of past traumas, prolonged life in a fight-or-flight situation, or simply because it can detect a threat from something. Thus, it can make scenarios worse than they are just to protect you.

It is up to you to train your mind the other way around. Whenever you feel that your thoughts are getting too overwhelming, you should interrupt them by different means. You can take the logical approach or the positive side, analyze the pros and cons of the situation, etc.

Also read: How to break the negative thought chain?

Detach yourself from the situation.

Being human with limited energy and limited time to invest only in necessary things, you need to pick and choose what you can allow in your life. Indulging in too many situations can overwhelm and affect your emotions.

You might not indulge yourself in unnecessary real-life situations, but your internet usage is enough to pull you into something where your energy is not necessarily needed.

Dr David Ludden, in his article, “Why we should practice critical ignoring in the digital age?” explains that our internet feeds are designed and saturated with attention-grabbing headlines and images. However, we need to practice “critical ignoring” and only consume what is necessary for ourselves.

“It has become our job to separate the wheat from the chaff.” We are already a part of the attention economy. Our media feed generally has a shiny headline with poor-quality information inside. That is not good for our brains and our emotional health.

So, next time your news feed flashes about a celebrity break-up or who is dating whom, sit back and ask, “Why should I care?”

Have a multi-faceted perspective.

Developing a multi-faceted perspective towards certain situations in life can save you from getting emotionally overwhelmed. For example, not taking things personally can detach you from certain situations that were not about you in the first place.

Similarly, developing a deep understanding and knowing that certain reactions of people could be the result of their troubles and experiences save you from taking them too seriously. Thus, you develop a deeper sense of empathy and emotional intelligence towards everyone around you.

Developing a multi-faceted perspective would let you take a step back, comprehend, analyze, and then come up with a viable reaction.

Practice emotional resilience.

Highly sensitive people are often told that they are too sensitive or too emotionally weak to deal with anything that they come across in life. However, the same trait becomes their weapon.

They feel things deeply and eventually develop an immunity towards their emotions. They become more emotionally resilient over time. But it is not just them you can develop it too.

Just the understanding that over time, you would not get hurt by these emotional wounds that are causing you trouble at the moment can increase your resilience multiplefold.

You can also practice positive affirmations to make yourself emotionally strong. So, the next time any dire situation comes up, you can always remember that you are strong and act in a better way.

Try to let go.

Sometimes, our past experiences leave us with a bitter taste in our lives that it seems impossible to move on. Such past traumas remain like a dark shadow that prevents us from taking any positive experience in our lives or experiencing utmost happiness.

But holding on to those painful memories can do more damage to your future than it did in the past. Hence, sometimes, letting go of those traumatic experiences is not only a better way. It is also choosing yourself and prioritizing your happiness.

But letting go is not easy. At times, that looming fear and pain become a part of our personality and existence. Hence, detachment from such pain causes so much pain in itself. You can take the help of a licensed practitioner and get better.

Also read: How to learn to let go?

Take action instead of feeling it.

You wake up and spend hours scrolling on your phone. Meanwhile, you are thinking of getting out of bed, but you can’t. At times, you constantly think about starting that side project always wanted to work on, but then you also feel bad about not starting it. Hence being stuck in a constant loop of negativity and dissatisfaction.

The first example could be because you are dopamine deficient or don’t have the energy. The second one could be procrastination. But it is essential to get out of that negative cycle. It is only possible by taking affirmative action toward a directed goal.

Like Khaleesi, the breaker of chains, you need to break the negative wheel and take a few positive actions with determination to switch to the positivity track.

If you are incapable of doing it, please consider taking help from a licensed therapist. A few of the listed practices could be the symptoms of ADHD hence diagnosis is necessary.

Develop critical thinking.

Critical thinking is your filter and your shield from getting affected by overwhelming emotions. It would save you from getting affected by it so you can make better decisions and process your emotions in a healthy way.

Dr Christopher Dwyer, in one of his articles, explains, “We can’t eliminate all emotions, but we can diminish its power if we can make efforts to account for the influence of emotion on our thinking.”

He further mentions, “For example, before putting my foot down on an argument, simply pausing beforehand to ask myself whether or not my conclusion is a result of credible evidence alone or is potentially biased because of my feelings is a great way of playing the necessary devil’s advocate to ensure the right conclusion is drawn and not just the conclusion I want to be right.”

It can not only save you from getting into unnecessary situations, but it can also help you get rid of some of the thoughts that can be toxic to your emotional health.

Meditation.

It is the age-old practice of processing your emotions in a healthy way. The practice of meditation is all about sitting in silence and observing your thoughts and the emotions that surface with those thoughts.

You won’t let them affect you, but you will experience how they make you feel. From the outside, it looks like you are trying to focus on your breathing, but that is just the initial stage.

Once your mind calms down and gets refreshed by the excess flow of oxygen, it can remind you of memories and feelings that you either suppress or don’t want to address.

Hence, mediation with determination can help you become more resilient towards your emotions and can help you address them and process them in a healthy manner.

Conclusion.

 At the end of the day, you have to be determined not to let yourself drown in your own emotions. Once you learn to harness this energy for your own benefit, it will become your armor.

You just need to be brave enough to observe them and feel them. Remember, you are not alone, and you can ask for help.

Also read: How to identify toxic friendships?

Also read: How to deal with your inner bully?