Panache

Have you ever doubted your thoughts, beliefs, sense of self or memories? Then there are chances you have been gaslighted at least once. It is a sneaky manipulation technique that negatively affects you and you may not notice.

But the effects of being gaslighted can be severe. It cannot only affect your mental health but it can also affect your well-being to a severe extent.

Below are some practices. With the help of these, you can save yourself when you meet toxic people who can manipulate you.

Identify the Pattern.

One of the best ways to save yourself from gaslighting is to identify the pattern. Look out for the statements, the incidences, and the moments when someone blatantly denies your beliefs and feelings.

Though it has been noted that only a few people have a Gaslighting syndrome, many people follow these practices from time to time. But even these small incidences can have a lasting effect on your confidence and self-esteem.

Hence, it is essential to observe the pattern, often immediately. You can try to maintain a distance afterward, call them out on the same, or take necessary measures.

Set up strong boundaries.

Once you identify the gaslighting behaviour, it is important to set up strong boundaries against the person. Even if someone follows that kind of pattern on a third party, you need to become careful immediately.

Restrict your meetings or relationships with them. Try not to share too much about you with them. And do not indulge in too many interpersonal relationships.

When stuck in a situation, make sure you speak your mind in an articulate way. One of the many traits of a person who gaslights is that they twist the facts, and accuse you of something they have been doing.

Therefore, it is always necessary to ask for clarification. Ask them what they mean when they say something regarding a particular topic or certain information. It is always okay to paraphrase and clarify different facets of the conversation.

All in all, try to leave no door for them to deny or step back once they say something or prove something.

Also read: 10 instant signs you do not have healthy boundaries.

Also read: 10 effective ways to maintain healthy boundaries.

Ask for clarification.

This is a lesson that you can learn from watching legal dramas or highly rational conversations. Lawyers in a courtroom, during a trial often use the technique of gaslighting to provoke the witnesses or criminals about their statements.

They ask them questions in multiple ways. Critical thinking and para-phrasing become important when you try to talk to a person who either denies their statement or runs away from their responsibility. A basic trait is seen among people who gaslight.

Try to ask them what they mean. Because they always tend to run away implying a different conclusion of the conversation than what they meant. Use statements like “What are you implying?”, “Is this what you are saying?”, “Is this what you mean?” “So, I can understand it clearly, this is what you mean.”

Offer a Logical perspective.

As mentioned above, one of the common traits of people who gaslight is they speak blatant lies. They will impose that on you and try to justify saying that you are in the wrong place since you do not agree with them.

When stuck in such a situation, offering a critical perspective on the matter can be helpful. Thankfully, there are certain things in the world that are constant. Gaslighters can manipulate numerous variables. But you can always counter-question them based on those constants.

Most importantly, you are not trying to convince them because most likely they won’t believe what you will say or prove. But you can convince yourself based on those facts. Thus, re-affirming your beliefs.

Also read: How to cope with haters?

Mind their language and later question it.

Sometimes, gaslighting is so subtle that it is hard to observe and understand that you have been gaslighted. It can range from breaking your beliefs about what happened to neglecting your presence or value.

Hence, it is essential to notice the subtle signs in their behavior to what words they choose when they are talking to you. One of the famous yet subtle gaslighting scenes is from the movie “Mean Girls” starring Rachel Mcadams and Lindsey Lohan.

When Rachel’s character tells Cady that she is pretty and asks her, “So, you think you are pretty?” Similarly, if you complain about someone or something and then they disregard your emotion and comment, “You are too sensitive.”

However, you can instantly reply, “It’s not too bad to be sensitive.” Or “It’s not too bad to be this way.” That way you can make a gap between yourself and what they were trying to imply. Also, you just established your view and existence strongly.

Document the interaction.

“I did not mean to say this but that.”, “Oh! That is not what I meant.” Or “I did not say this but that.” These are some statements commonly spoken by people who try to gaslight you. They simply deny what they said and what they meant. Thus, twisting the situation.

Therefore, one of the best ways to deal with it is to document every interaction with people who try to gaslight you. Try to keep evidence and include every detail when you are documenting your interactions.

Do not hesitate to present those pieces of evidence to prove your point.

Be Confident in Your Self.

When you interact with a person who gaslights you considerably. There are high chances that not only does it make you doubt yourself but sometimes it considerably destroys your being, self-confidence, and self-esteem.

And that is where your focus should be. You need to protect your identity from a person who constantly makes you doubt yourself. The after-effects may include that you stop trusting any person that you come across.

It can not only destroy your relationship with others but it also destroys your relationship with yourself. Hence, preserve your confidence and your belief in yourself when you come in contact with such kinds of individuals.

Also read: 10 ways to improve your confidence.

Practice Emotional Detachment.

A common observation when gaslighting among relationships is when one is emotionally dependent on another and they gaslight them again and again. Initial acts in the play Gaslight from which the word originated, show how the wife was truly dependent on the husband and how he gaslighted her to insanity.

Therefore, one of the biggest weapons of gaslighting is emotional detachment. Once you detach yourself from such people who seek pleasure by gaslighting you, they will lose that hold over you. And that is a liberating feeling.

When you are emotionally dependent on someone, it is hard to detach and grow on your own. However, once you realize that dependence will be more toxic for you, you need to gradually detach and start focusing on yourself. Give yourself more credit for your growth and be grateful for saving yourself from a manipulator.

Also read: 10 ways to fulfill your emotional needs.

Don’t react, Reply!

It is hard to maintain a healthy conversation with a person who is constantly trying to gaslight you. When they deny what is so obviously the truth, you become agitated and lose control over yourself. And this is the kind of behaviour that gives them pleasure.

Hence, it is ideal to understand what they are trying to get from you and not react. Instead, take a deep breath and reply to them strategically. Maybe they are trying to prove a wrong point. Admit it for the time being and tell them that you will get back to them.

Once you have all the evidence, you can initiate the conversation again. When you take a step back, they will think that you have admitted your defeat and might leave the topic then and there.

Later, you can initiate the same conversation with a fresh approach.  

Have result-oriented conversations with them.

People who constantly gaslight might twist the facts or conversations, thus making you run in a circle. It becomes a popular case of They said, you said and you get stuck in that cycle.

Instead, save yourself from running into circles and have conclusive conversations with them. Ask them about the point they are trying to prove. Or what is the result of what they are trying to say?

Conversations with such toxic people become a common theme of ego war. To save yourself from such ego-centric arguments, all you need to do is to drive it to the conclusion as soon as possible.

Make sure it is a positive conclusion or the argument may stretch.

Conclusion

It is hard to deal with people who are constantly trying to gaslight you in one way or the other. As in the popular play, it can drive you insane. You start questioning your existence, your truth, your life, and your reality.

Therefore, standing your ground, and staying strong in yourself and your belief are a few powerful methods to fight against this evil behavior. Once you notice the pattern and you may call them out on it, you will feel that suddenly you are the culprit and not them.

Save yourself from this behavior and know you need not to cater to them anymore. Instead, you need to understand yourself better and establish yourself strongly.