Panache

You are always determined not to let people take advantage of you anymore. And yet you always regret that they took advantage of you. So, you decide you have strict boundaries in your life. And yet you slip here and there.

Below are some tell-tale signs that can alarm you instantly that you are slipping away from your promise.

You can’t say “No”.

When was the last time you said no to a request? You might not remember because that might not have happened. Because you are a yes person. No matter how difficult the task is or how extraordinary the request is, you never say no to the request.

This is a huge sign that you do not have healthy boundaries. It could also be this way because you want to maintain an image of a nice and helpful person who follows through with every request and is cooperative. But most often, you are ignoring your own needs and desires when you become a yes-person.

Furthermore, you will start hating yourself for not learning to say no. There are times when you despise saying yes to a request and hate it when you have to work for someone else that you didn’t want in the first place but could not help it. It is because you never learned to make strict and healthy boundaries.

Also read: Are you a “yes” person? Learn 5 ways to say “No”.

You let people talk over you.

It’s an important presentation and you have worked hard for this meeting. Your notes are clear, and you will raise some significant points in front of your superiors. But in the meeting room, you could not get your point across because your over-talking colleague talked over you.

The unfortunate scenario is that while you put in all the hard work, someone else takes all the credit. And you let it happen. The more you let it happen to yourself, the more you start resenting these situations when you have to give a presentation to people. Because it deeply affects your self-esteem.

You may think that you are a victim since these people talked over you. But the truth is, you let that happen with yourself, so you are equally responsible. And that is a bigger sign that you have still not instilled healthy boundaries in your life. And are still living with a victim mentality.

Also read: 10 subtle signs you are a people pleaser at work.

Also read: How to stop being a people pleaser in a relationship?

You do not address people who cross your boundaries.

Moving on from the point above, every time someone crosses your boundaries, you let it go and never address it again. As it happened in the previous point. You let people talk over you but never address them for this behavior.

You are well aware that it is not right. But you never call them out. Maybe because you are scared that this step might harm your relationship with them. You may think taking a stand might display you as an uptight and rude personality.

But this also happens when people crack a joke either on you or about you, and you let it go. This eventually makes you a butt of jokes until you do not address it. Letting go is easier and stress-free in a lot of scenarios. However, if you do not address such problems, it is a huge sign you do not have healthy boundaries.

People are not even aware of your boundaries.

When we talk about boundaries, there are emotional, physical, and mental boundaries of a person. Some people make sure that they are aware of the things that they are comfortable with and then act accordingly. While others do not take the time to know and behave equally with everyone.

But you need to be aware of your boundaries and dictate that through your behavior and mannerisms. You may not like to talk about certain things in your life or not want to talk about certain topics. You may not want to be hugged but comfortable shaking hands at the same time.

But you become aware of these things when someone does those things to you, and you do not like it. This cannot only traumatize you but can make you a timid personality who does not open up when needed. And it is not good for living a fulfilling life.

Therefore, it is essential to be aware of your boundaries and to express them accordingly.

You are vulnerable to narcissists. (You are highly sensitive)

Narcissistic personalities are the most toxic people for the ones who are sensitive and also who do not have healthy boundaries. They are people who mostly take advantage of sensitive personalities.

Narcissists thrive on control, manipulation, and taking advantage of other people. Since you have no healthy boundaries. You are bound to fall prey to these individuals. You will be a victim and will spend most of your time catering to their egos, and yet they will not be satiated.

You are meant to meet a narcissist at least somewhere in your life. Whether they are at school, university, or the workplace. But you need to learn how to manage your boundaries with such people because the trauma caused by them would be hard to heal.

You let others define you.

Many times in your life, people assume you are a certain type of person and start treating you based on their judgment. They could be wrong since they don’t know you, but it can heavily affect your image and social standing. These definitions can be based on your astrological chart, the community you belong to, or the place you grew up in.

The problem arises when you don’t redefine yourself or stop them in any way. You do not take control of your image, and you move forward with their judgment of you. This is a big sign that you do not have healthy boundaries.

In this way, you do not have control over your life and social image. At times, vulnerable minds start feeling the same way. And that is not healthy. You can indeed change, but who you are can only be understood by you and nobody else.

You feel guilty about prioritizing yourself.

A big sign that you do not have healthy emotional boundaries is that you feel guilty about prioritizing your needs and desires. Even though you try to meet everyone’s expectations, it is hard for you to take time for yourself. And when you do, you feel guilty.

Shanon(39) spends most of her time with her kids and husband. A mother of two makes sure that she is there for everyone when they need her. But when her friends took her on a hiking trip one weekend. Shanon reported not feeling comfortable being away from home.

She stated that even though she was with her friends, her mind was stuck with her kids and husband. She was worried about whether they were doing fine. By the end of the trip, she said that she felt guilty about leaving home and going away.

Even though she needed this holiday, she could not enjoy it. Her therapist suggested that she take some time off without feeling guilty, and this pattern is not healthy for her well-being.

You apologize excessively.

I had this habit of excessively apologizing for the smallest of things. I would not be critical of the scenario and think that it is my fault no matter what. I thought that supported my image to be someone who is accountable and admits her mistakes.

However, over time, that significantly reduced my confidence and self-esteem. It also reduced my ability to stand up for myself, and suddenly, I was at fault no matter what I did. It also indicated that I did not have healthy emotional and mental boundaries.

It also led to resentment towards others. I felt small and realized that people did not respect me and understand my efforts, even though I was sorry for every little thing. The fact was that I did not have clear boundaries. And changing that changed my life dramatically.

You overshare and overexplain.

We are living through a loneliness epidemic. It is generally talked about on various forums, but any effective solution is still far from reach in society. This leads to a phenomenon in which people can’t process their emotions in a healthy way. They are becoming more and more socially distant every day.

In this scenario, when you get to share your feelings, thoughts, and desires, you are bound to over-share. You do not realize that certain things need not be shared with everyone. When you over-share about yourself, you are not making sure to respect your own boundaries. Thus putting yourself in a vulnerable position.

Over-explaining is another sign that you do not have healthy boundaries. You overexplain to convince other people to trust you. So, they believe you. It can be the result of a past trauma during your upbringing or your life in a toxic environment. As a result, you develop an anxious mindset.

You ignore your own needs.

If, apart from not prioritizing yourself, you tend to ignore your needs, it is a sign you do not have healthy emotional boundaries. Where does taking the time for yourself come into your to-do list? You might not even have thought about it before.

You may have your 5-year plan ready, but have you thought about taking the time off from your busy schedule and deciding to take care? You may think that everyone else’s needs are more important to you. It also indicates how much you respect yourself as well as your lack of self-awareness.

When you are living among the people who take care of you as much as you take care of them, you can also live a fulfilling life. But if you keep ignoring your own needs, keep pouring into someone else’s cups. You can’t go too far with an empty cup.

Also read: 10 signs you have saviour complex.

Also read: 9 ways to avoid saviour complex.

Conclusion.

You may not always show these signs. And there are times when you compromise your boundaries. But the sooner you realize it, the quicker you redirect your habits and life.

Also read: 10 effective ways to maintain healthy boundaries.