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Intergenerational trauma happens when trauma from one generation gets passed down to the next generation. You need to know your family history to understand certain patterns and behaviours you practice.

If these patterns are unhealthy, toxic, or unhealthy coping mechanisms to protect yourself, it can be bad for your life and happiness.

Read below to know some clear signs that you have intergenerational trauma.

Pressure to fix the family.

Do you relate to the memes that you are going to be the first billionaire of the family? Do you feel the pressure to get your family out of the emotional, psychological, or financial rut? Do you see the wrong patterns in your family but find yourself helpless that no one else sees them?

There is a possibility that you have generational trauma. The toxic patterns you see in your family could just be the beginning. Though, you never wanted to be affected by them. But kids grow up observing things around them. And now they have become a part of you knowingly or unknowingly.

Now, all you want to do is to fix everything. You do not only want to get yourself out of the hell but you also want your family to understand and end the toxic patterns. At times, you feel anxious about it. However, you do not only have the pressure of your career and life but also to sort out the generational trauma in your family.

Inherited narratives of fear or victimhood.

They survived because they kept quiet. It was not easy but they endured through it. And now they have built a better life for themselves. Many children look up to their parents and believe in these words. However, some traces of parents’ traumatic pasts have already been absorbed by them. They do not know it yet.

According to an article published in Psychology Today, over 75 percent of children have some kind of generational trauma. This world has gone through a lot of wars, financial depression, and through many natural disasters. Hence, the fear has been passed through various generations.

So, if you feel fear of anything. Or you feel that you are a victim of society, social systems, or the current order of the world. There are chances that this inherited narrative could be a part of generational trauma. You will be able to differentiate them from your own emotions by seeing these patterns in your parents as well.

Guilt or shame about success.

Many families have lived through scarcity. They have to survive with the minimum resources. Because they never had much to spend, they could never think of flourishing living or wastage. This kind of pattern can be clearly seen in the countries that were once under colonial rule.

Centuries of colonial living have made people scared of success. They think taking chances or hoping for a better future can make them spend what they have on their dreams, generating limiting beliefs among various generations.

No wonder, their children are scared or feel guilty about winning or are ashamed of success. Because that has never been part of their inheritance. No matter how much they try to prove themselves, it is not enough. Instead, they feel shameful about it.

Anxiety about family dynamics.

Many kids have watched their parents fight over things. Abusive relationships, domestic violence, and alcoholism have ruined many childhoods. Unfortunately, this has been a truth of society through multiple decades.

But many don’t realize how it ruins the definition of family for children or future offspring. Many kids do not want to get married because they do not know if healthy families exist. They feel anxious about the term family. Moreover, this affects any relationship they can have with a potential partner.

At times, they may never open up. They too fear the same abuse from their partner. Or they are prone to attracting the same kind of partners that they witnessed in their childhood in their own lives. Hence, they feel anxious about family relationships. And that does not lead them to live a fulfilled life. Do you also feel this anxiety?

Also Read: 10 signs you have an anxious attachment style relationship.

Fear of expressing emotions.

Have you always felt misunderstood? You don’t understand what emotions you are feeling. You don’t know what terms to use to define what you feel. And even though you do, you don’t know how to explain it. Even if you try to explain it, you keep quiet, to realize no one will understand you.

You might have been dismissed by the people around you when you tried to express how you are feeling. Your feelings might have never been validated or understood. Or your parents simply didn’t know how to understand a kid’s feelings.

There could be a million reasons why you face the fear of expressing your emotions. Generational trauma could be one of those reasons. However, you don’t know how to deal with those emotions anymore. So, either you got overwhelmed easily or you have become full of resentment.

These are some of the traits seen in families who often don’t communicate about their emotions. Kids feel coldness or tension in the air. But since they have never learned to communicate with them, so, they don’t know how to express themselves.

Emotional numbness.

Another bad effect of not being able to understand or express your emotions is emotional numbness. Humans are complex creatures. And their complicated and tangled emotions are what makes them complex. Feelings and emotions are meant to be felt.

But if you have been told or taught not to feel them, suppress them, or not understand them at all. It eventually leads to emotional numbness. Now, you have detached yourself from the emotions instead of feeling them the way they should be.

This can get so severe at times, that you push away the people who make you feel any emotions. You start avoiding any situations that can make you cry or feel overwhelmed. No wonder, people are trying to be more stoic than before. This can also be due to generational trauma.

Trust issues.

Have you been betrayed by someone close to you? You may not remember it. But your body does. The fear of trusting anyone or letting go can come from multiple family wounds stemming from oppression or communal tension.

Particular kind of saying goes against certain other communities. And that has become so common among families that even though you meet someone nice, you would not try to trust them. Abandonment issues or constant betrayal in the family can also cause trust issues.

If someone in your family has ever been cheated by a person from a particular group or community. You are told not to interact with or trust them in any situation. Since this world is connected, you will face any difficulties growing up with that bias. And it may affect your relations in the future.

Attachment Issues.

A very common form of relationship style is anxious attachment. In this style, you attract your partner because you love them. But as soon as they come close, you push them away due to the fear of betrayal or thinking one day, they will leave you because they don’t love you as much as you do.

This attachment style can be rooted in childhood issues and how you have been raised. Sentences like “You don’t deserve love.”, “love can’t be successful in this family.”, Nobody falls in love in this family.”, “You can never fall in love.”, “No one will love you.” Are some common sentences when spoken to kids that may affect their attachment issues in adulthood?

It may also come from emotional negligence and avoidance from parents. And it was not because you happened to experience it directly. If you might have observed it in any family situation, you may develop attachment issues.

Over-responsibility.

It is a common trope in society that while the youngest kid gets the most attention, a middle kid is often forgotten but the oldest kid is always given tasks and responsibilities to take care of. The oldest kid may also be different because they have seen their parents in circumstances that the following kid could not even imagine.

But feeling a sense of responsibility to take care of the family, solve all the issues, cater to everyone’s needs, and meet everyone’s expectations is often a sign of over-responsibility. It may again arise from generational patterns and traumas.

In the Pixar movie Elemental, Ember Lumen wants to pursue a career in making glass objects. However, she feels a responsibility to take over the shop from her father, she doesn’t pursue it initially. She often feels overwhelmed by her responsibility to keep the holy fire burning, to serve the customers, take care of the shop as well as the parents. But she can’t help it.

Silence or secrecy in the family.

What you choose to hide or talk about is often influenced by the family. But people barely notice it in their behavior. Until they meet someone from a different background, culture, or country. Some people openly talk about their family dynamics while others don’t even want to mention them.

Some families prefer to silence the abuse, the financial crisis, toxic behaviors, and other serious matters that need to be discussed. Since kids learn that, they often don’t know how to talk about these things.

In adulthood, when they face such problems, they don’t know how to effectively handle it. Silence and secrecy about mental health or traumas in the family are like a hidden poison. It makes the bonds shallow while the family seems perfect from the outside.

Since these are never talked about, they often make individuals suffer in silence.

Conclusion.

People have become more personalized in their lives. They have started to live in their bubbles and rarely experience the world through someone else’s perspective. This becomes a breeding ground for generational trauma.

These people do not know any other way to live. They have considered their toxic and unhealthy coping mechanisms as normal living. It is not only unhealthy for them but it is also bad for the next generation.

Therefore, if you think that you have any signs of generational trauma, please consult a therapist for help. Understanding your trauma is the first step towards curing it and living a fulfilled life.